Oliver Larholt shares the tools he uses to support his family during the Christmas season.
The holiday season period can be magical, but it also comes with noise, bright lights, social expectations, and routine changes that many neurodivergent children find overwhelming. When my son was diagnosed with autism, our family realised that Christmas would be different now. Since then, I’ve learned that the holidays should be approached with two key tactics:
- Flexibility, and
- Preparation
Here are some approaches that help us create a calmer, more supportive Christmas season for our son.
1. Manage expectations – yours and everyone else’s
One of the most important things to remember is that Christmas doesn’t need to look the way it does in films, adverts, or other families’ social media posts.
Expecting a “traditional” Christmas might set you up for stress. Many autistic children struggle with things that define the season like:
- Bright lights and loud music (sensory overload)
- Surprises, shouting and laughter (unpredictable events)
- Parties and time with family (big social gatherings)
Focus on what works for your family.
This may means skipping large events, or limiting activities to one a day over time instead of packing everything onto December 25th.
Tell friends and relatives in advance what Christmas needs to look like for your family. This can help set a supportive tone for everyone involved.
2. Keep routines wherever possible
Children with autism often rely on structure for emotional stability, so maintaining some sort of routine, even loosely, can make a huge difference.
The Christmas period disrupts many regular routines like:
- School hours
- Bedtimes
- Daily habits
Therefore, it can really help to:
- Keep consistent mealtimes
- Use schedules to outline each day
- Talk to your child about visitors or days out
A little structure goes a long way to reduce anxiety.
3. Prepare for social situations in advance
Family gatherings can be unpredictable. It’s important to work with both your child and the people around you to set expectations early on.
Here are a few things that might work:
- Letting relatives know about sensory triggers or support needs
- Planning shorter visits rather than long all-day events
- Bringing your child’s familiar toys, headphones, or calming tools
- Speaking to your child about what the event will be like
- Having a quiet area to go to if things get overwhelming
4. Speak to your child
Every neurodivergent child is different, and every family adapts differently. There is no ‘one size fits all’ method when it comes to a neurodiverse holiday season.
The best way to navigate Christmas (or any big event) is to talk to your child and have an open conversation about what you can do to support them.
Whether they love Christmas surprises or want to know everything in advance, it is important to listen to and honour your child’s preferences.
Final thoughts from Oliver Larholt on navigating a neurodiverse holiday season
Parenting a neurodivergent child teaches you to rethink what “special occasions” should look like. Christmas doesn’t need to be perfect, busy, or loud. It just needs to feel safe and enjoyable for your family.
By sharing these tools, I hope to help other parents feel confident turning Christmas from a time of stress into a time of connection.
